This post is being made under the influence of alcohol. Therefore, it may have more information than I would want to be out here. However, I do promise that I will not edit any of it off. I know you guys deserve a bit of gossip. After all the whining, especially.
So.
I am thinking about the time you and me were at the club and we were at two different ends of the club. Me with my friends. You with your friends. And you kept looking at me. From right across the floor. Every twenty seconds, literally. A friend's friend asked me if you were my guy. I was like yeah and asked him how he knew. He said he could tell.
I am thinking about the time you circled nothings on my back while I was sitting on the bar stool right in front of the bar stool you were on. And you whispered silly stuff into my ears. And all the mushy details that I will refrain from going into. And then you asked me, outside, to show you my feet. I still wonder why. I need to ask you that the next time I see you. Why.
I am thinking about the time you kissed me when we met that night. And then, right in the next moment, you said Strawberry Daiquiri. I said Singapore Sling. I thought that was sexy. Really sexy. And up on the top floor, I waited for you at the bar. Next to me was this fhirang lady, who I helped grab a drink. And you joined me. The fhirang lady told you, "Don't you ever dare let go of her!" You didn't listen to her, did you.
I am thinking about the time I came back from home with all this baggage on my shoulders and my back and my mind. We met after almost a month. And you took me in your arms, holding me there for what felt like forever. I was glad I had you to hold me then. I really needed someone to hold me.
I am thinking about the time you called me up in the morning hours. You never do that. And I felt extra loved. And then you broke up with me that very afternoon. I don't know what you were thinking. But I know you had your reasons. Reasons which you could have phrased in a better way. No one likes surprises. The bad ones. Shocks.
I am thinking about the time when we met after six months. When you called me and I sorta forced you into meeting up. And we were there. At this place where we hardly knew people. Only a few of them. And the chemistry. Oh my holy fcuking lord, the chemistry that was flowing between us. It was insane. I remember us both trying to hide it underneath all the chilled out talk. But it was surfacing up and over again and again and again.
I am thinking about the time you said we have no future. I know you were right. I know you are right. We do not have a future. Though I liked that you said it in that way. It was like you wished so hard that we had that future but we didn't. I still love you, you know. Yeah you do. Not in the lovey-dovey way, but I do love you. As a person. And I hope we can make it through all the chemistry and some day be the bestest of friends. You're the kinda friends I want to have. And I am the kind of friend you want to have. So give it a go boy. I know you can make it happen.
This was the ex. Not THE ex. The rebound guy ex. I know what you must be thinking. If this is what was with the rebound guy, was she literally in heaven with THE guy? Well, the news is that the rebound guy is getting married this week. And I don't know what to feel. I am happy for him, yes I am. I would have never married him anyway. He was more fling material, you know what I mean. But I did like him. So I don't know what exactly to feel. Especially after knowing that all the chemistry and the attraction and the blah blah is still alive. Yes, till date. We're gonna work on it. We have agreed.
Whatever. Let's talk about THE guy. THE guy is now happy. In his life, where he was unhappy and he found me and we became happy and then I realized he had to be happy in his own life and not mine, and I left him. Yes. THE guy that I left. THE guy that I have moaned about all through this blog. He is happy. Good for him. I am happy that he is happy. Isn't that what I wanted anyway. For him to find his happiness in his own sweet life. Then why am I wondering? Makes me wonder.
By the way. Have you noticed that I am generally happy for everyone around me?
So.
I am thinking about the time you and me were at the club and we were at two different ends of the club. Me with my friends. You with your friends. And you kept looking at me. From right across the floor. Every twenty seconds, literally. A friend's friend asked me if you were my guy. I was like yeah and asked him how he knew. He said he could tell.
I am thinking about the time you circled nothings on my back while I was sitting on the bar stool right in front of the bar stool you were on. And you whispered silly stuff into my ears. And all the mushy details that I will refrain from going into. And then you asked me, outside, to show you my feet. I still wonder why. I need to ask you that the next time I see you. Why.
I am thinking about the time you kissed me when we met that night. And then, right in the next moment, you said Strawberry Daiquiri. I said Singapore Sling. I thought that was sexy. Really sexy. And up on the top floor, I waited for you at the bar. Next to me was this fhirang lady, who I helped grab a drink. And you joined me. The fhirang lady told you, "Don't you ever dare let go of her!" You didn't listen to her, did you.
I am thinking about the time I came back from home with all this baggage on my shoulders and my back and my mind. We met after almost a month. And you took me in your arms, holding me there for what felt like forever. I was glad I had you to hold me then. I really needed someone to hold me.
I am thinking about the time you called me up in the morning hours. You never do that. And I felt extra loved. And then you broke up with me that very afternoon. I don't know what you were thinking. But I know you had your reasons. Reasons which you could have phrased in a better way. No one likes surprises. The bad ones. Shocks.
I am thinking about the time when we met after six months. When you called me and I sorta forced you into meeting up. And we were there. At this place where we hardly knew people. Only a few of them. And the chemistry. Oh my holy fcuking lord, the chemistry that was flowing between us. It was insane. I remember us both trying to hide it underneath all the chilled out talk. But it was surfacing up and over again and again and again.
I am thinking about the time you said we have no future. I know you were right. I know you are right. We do not have a future. Though I liked that you said it in that way. It was like you wished so hard that we had that future but we didn't. I still love you, you know. Yeah you do. Not in the lovey-dovey way, but I do love you. As a person. And I hope we can make it through all the chemistry and some day be the bestest of friends. You're the kinda friends I want to have. And I am the kind of friend you want to have. So give it a go boy. I know you can make it happen.
This was the ex. Not THE ex. The rebound guy ex. I know what you must be thinking. If this is what was with the rebound guy, was she literally in heaven with THE guy? Well, the news is that the rebound guy is getting married this week. And I don't know what to feel. I am happy for him, yes I am. I would have never married him anyway. He was more fling material, you know what I mean. But I did like him. So I don't know what exactly to feel. Especially after knowing that all the chemistry and the attraction and the blah blah is still alive. Yes, till date. We're gonna work on it. We have agreed.
Whatever. Let's talk about THE guy. THE guy is now happy. In his life, where he was unhappy and he found me and we became happy and then I realized he had to be happy in his own life and not mine, and I left him. Yes. THE guy that I left. THE guy that I have moaned about all through this blog. He is happy. Good for him. I am happy that he is happy. Isn't that what I wanted anyway. For him to find his happiness in his own sweet life. Then why am I wondering? Makes me wonder.
By the way. Have you noticed that I am generally happy for everyone around me?
21 comments:
:-(
Bubbly... I wish i was there with you right now...
if it makes you feel any better -
even though i dont know you and i havent met you i truly feel, after reading what you write, that you are the beautifullest...
PS: Woman, i love you!!!
PPS: and what you've written is i think by far the best words that you've keyed!!!
wow... i'm speechless.
awesomeness in the words again....simply superb.
Same pinch on ...strawberry daiquiri...yum!!!!!!
Keep writing
there are women i remember every day and i always will. its normal. sometimes you have to do whats best for them even if it means hurting them.
a trip down memory lane now possible thanks to the alchy ;)
and this post is probably one of the best on your blog to date.
Keep moving a la Johnnie Walker.
Preeti - Awww thanks woman, you are a darling! Love ya too! And no, I am not beautifullest and all that :)
Shoe and Aqua - Thanks girls.
Che - I know. I totally understand. I have done it too. But you can't stop the thinking, can you.
J - Lol. Yes.
All - Looks like I should have more alcoholic posts. Lol.
Thinking. Doesn't help at all huh!
Hope you're doing good dear.
Surprisingly the longest post I ever read on your blog but oh so beautiful. You'll find love again gurl, love just cannot elude you.
TC
you are so refreshingly honest
I have to accept that you write well under the influence :-)
I love this paragraph:
"I am thinking about the time you called me up in the morning hours. You never do that. And I felt extra loved. And then you broke up with me that very afternoon. I don't know what you were thinking. But I know you had your reasons. Reasons which you could have phrased in a better way. No one likes surprises. The bad ones. Shocks"
I wonder why men do that... ?!
Sigh
I agree with Che above...
however, in my case 'men'...
i had a fight in the morning with one of my best friends when he accused me of being judgmental. and i have a feeling you don't always like me commenting on your blog. but here goes
1. there were some lines which had beautiful poetry interwoven
2. there were some lines that i didn't get - they deserve to be chopped off anyways, they are screwing the post
3. someone very dear told me once - "i want to be unhappy very unhappy because that is when i draw the best stuff"
Too many feelings. It is confusing to feel so much. Hope all turns out well for you.
take care...
N
Thanks Still and Taz.
Raaji - Not only men. Humans generally. Probably it is something we need to do to survive?
Gypsy - Yeah. I agree with him too.
Burf - Oh come on now, don't be a baby. Just because I backfired on one of your comments does not mean I do not like you commenting on this blog.
Thanks for the feedback. I get that you may not get all the lines. I am pretty vague at times.
Contradictory, coz the best in me comes out when I am happy.
Nothing - I know. It's confusing. But you gotta feel what you gotta feel!
me likey this post. and i do sort of understand. some choices are hard to make. and some memories very hard to forget :)
unless the blog doesn't go all orangy, we need more nicely done alcoholy influenced text. I can see movies in your post. very stimulating.
Pseudo - Well said. Very well said.
Deewana - Awww. Darn sweet.
wow. awww.
you are just too good. Feeling happy for people around, while being not-so-happy inside, is well, tough. Totally understand the thought.
Hey Abhi. No I am not too good. Not at all. I just try to make good of whatever bad I am.
Well that itself is pretty darn good, I would say.
And yes, I have forgotten what the original post was about, by now :) :P
@abhi...the only choice left is to feel good about others, its the only way not to go into the i am wrong, the world is wrong mode. life becomes diff.
And I hope we can make it through all the chemistry and some day be the bestest of friends
beautifully written...doesn't happen though. that sense of cheating someone always comes in, always stops u. the chemistry is always there, but the conversations are not.
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