I'm losing it. The bubbly-ness. The chirpy-ness. The lively-ness. The charm. The confidence. The spirit, of everything, including living.
I mean, what's the point. I was always a strong believer in the "love hai to life hai" philosophy, still am. It was fine before when I was bumping into random people and the love kinda love didn't really exist. I may have thought that it did, but it didn't. And I came to realize that sooner or later. Life went on then, with the hope that someday the real deal will come along. And then love bhi hogi and life bhi hoga. But ever since I wrecked the love that was love, actually, I don't see the point in living really. And it's not like there is a chance here and things may work out and I should just hang on in there for the right time to come. There is never gonna be a right time. Even if there could be a time, it is never gonna be right. Not for me. No. That is not how I want it to be. It'll be like building your dream house over a graveyard. Of the other people who wanted the very same dream house. You kill all those people, bury them and then build your dream house above it all. I don't wanna be living over the dead. I don't wanna be starting the right thing with something that is so wrong. So utterly wrong.
I admit I did go down that wrong path for a while. I took a few steps down that road. I just wanted to have a taste of the journey, of the love. The love that was what I had always hoped for but its existence was beyond my imagination. Literally beyond my imagination. And I have no regrets. At all. I am in fact so glad I took those steps. Whatever had come over me and made my feet go in that direction, God bless it. I believe it's one of the best things I've ever done. One of the best and truest things. True and pure. Dil se. Like the real dil se. Something so right. But you know sometimes you're strolling around in this gorgeous place, and suddenly you realize that you're in a place you shouldn't be. A forbidden place. A place where any trespasser gets prosecuted. And once that realization hits you, you go beyond all the gorgeous and just run away the fastest you can, run for your life, not looking back.
Here's the thing. I was strolling. I realized. I ran. After the running, there is supposed to be no looking back. But I am still looking. Still staring. At that gorgeous paradise. And it's killing me. Just the looking. I need someone to come by and slap me awake and take me away. But there's no one. Coz no one even knows that I'm staring. Nobody. The only people that knew I was once there and then ran away have been convinced, by me myself, that I have not looked back and that I never will. But I'm still staring. The staring, the looking, the gazing. It's gotten me exhausted. Tired. My eyes are tired. With all those eye bags and dark circles. But I just can't stop.
Save me. I know that love can happen phir se. Keeping in mind the statistics, probably I will have the love thing going again. Maybe not the same kind, maybe not not as good, but maybe even better. That's just me being logical and optimistic and all the things you should be in situations like this. Whatever. For now, please just save me.
I mean, what's the point. I was always a strong believer in the "love hai to life hai" philosophy, still am. It was fine before when I was bumping into random people and the love kinda love didn't really exist. I may have thought that it did, but it didn't. And I came to realize that sooner or later. Life went on then, with the hope that someday the real deal will come along. And then love bhi hogi and life bhi hoga. But ever since I wrecked the love that was love, actually, I don't see the point in living really. And it's not like there is a chance here and things may work out and I should just hang on in there for the right time to come. There is never gonna be a right time. Even if there could be a time, it is never gonna be right. Not for me. No. That is not how I want it to be. It'll be like building your dream house over a graveyard. Of the other people who wanted the very same dream house. You kill all those people, bury them and then build your dream house above it all. I don't wanna be living over the dead. I don't wanna be starting the right thing with something that is so wrong. So utterly wrong.
I admit I did go down that wrong path for a while. I took a few steps down that road. I just wanted to have a taste of the journey, of the love. The love that was what I had always hoped for but its existence was beyond my imagination. Literally beyond my imagination. And I have no regrets. At all. I am in fact so glad I took those steps. Whatever had come over me and made my feet go in that direction, God bless it. I believe it's one of the best things I've ever done. One of the best and truest things. True and pure. Dil se. Like the real dil se. Something so right. But you know sometimes you're strolling around in this gorgeous place, and suddenly you realize that you're in a place you shouldn't be. A forbidden place. A place where any trespasser gets prosecuted. And once that realization hits you, you go beyond all the gorgeous and just run away the fastest you can, run for your life, not looking back.
Here's the thing. I was strolling. I realized. I ran. After the running, there is supposed to be no looking back. But I am still looking. Still staring. At that gorgeous paradise. And it's killing me. Just the looking. I need someone to come by and slap me awake and take me away. But there's no one. Coz no one even knows that I'm staring. Nobody. The only people that knew I was once there and then ran away have been convinced, by me myself, that I have not looked back and that I never will. But I'm still staring. The staring, the looking, the gazing. It's gotten me exhausted. Tired. My eyes are tired. With all those eye bags and dark circles. But I just can't stop.
Save me. I know that love can happen phir se. Keeping in mind the statistics, probably I will have the love thing going again. Maybe not the same kind, maybe not not as good, but maybe even better. That's just me being logical and optimistic and all the things you should be in situations like this. Whatever. For now, please just save me.
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