I was out last night. With a good friend and good friend of hers who is just my friend. Actually just someone I know. We had a nice time, good food and a whole lot of drinks. I feel I've become buddhi. There used to be a time when I could party like crazy. Friday night, Saturday night, and if I could tweak the way things worked somehow, maybe Sunday night as well. It's different now. I like to go out for drinks, just simply drinks and chilling out, rather than dancing away in a club. A bunch of my friends are out tonight. And I simply declined their offer to dance the night away. I'm tired. I don't feel like I have the energy to get ready and go and stay out till the wee hours of the morning. Oh my god. What has the world come to. Yup, that's what a buddy said. Me not wanting to party. The world has changed indeed.

So getting back to last night. I did have quite a bit to drink. And the slight highness. Problem hai. These days, alcohol leads to tears. Luckily it's not like public crying. But once I'm on my own, I find tears streaming down my cheeks. And so that happened last night. I was remembering what I lost. And crying. I cried myself to sleep. It's sad. How something can make you so weak. It's happy in the same way, how something can make you so strong. Sucks. I'm so gullible. Emotionally gullible. I don't even think I know what that means. Back to the alcohol and crying. Somehow I feel that the alcohol will help me escape. But at the end of it all, it just brings me closer. Instead of making me forget, it makes me reminisce. And the alcoholic reminiscence is always teary.

I remember the days when I was with him. Never used to drink as much, only a couple of drinks here and there. Never the sit-and-talk-over-drinks sessions. Never the super-high-after-drink times. Those days, there was this party that I went to and got pissed drunk. So drunk that my friend had to take me to her place. My first drunk ever. I told him about it the next day. And the gussa. He was so angry at me for drinking like a pig and getting drunk and all that. So so angry. I had never seen him so mad at something I did before that. And instead of feeling ashamed of what I did or regretting it, or any of those normal post-gussa feelings, I felt so happy. And I told him that I was feeling happy. Overjoyed. That he cared so much about me, that he so wanted to protect me, that he so loved me. It just made me happy. Seeing me happy didn't really bring down his temper though. He continued with the gussa and had the 'wth is wrong with you, im angry at you for goodness sake!' thing going along with the gussa. And I was stupidly happy.

I miss you. Being so cared and loved and cherished and treasured by you. Your asking me not to drink as much ever again and saying 'I don't care if you think I'm traditional or whatever, but I don't like this and you won't do it again, promise me.' Ab na koi parvah karta hai, na karte hai hum.