Studying is so not my thing. I don't know why I have to keep proving it to myself again and again. All I'm hoping is for my amazing guessing skills to work their charm when I give the test tomorrow. And all will be fine. Touch wood!

I am hungry and about to have some silly instant tomato soup. Not something I would choose to have on a regular day. But I choose it today over going out and trying to figure something better out. Partly because I am lazy, partly because I know that I will have to try a bit too hard to find that better dinner, partly because I don't want to go down and roam the streets alone.

Tomorrow is the start to a full week. A week that is so full to the brim it might just fall off and take me down with it. I want to survive the week. I want to emerge a winner on Friday. Because at the end of the week awaits familiar territories, familiar smells, familiar streets, familiar people, familiar everythings. And a friend. A friend who has been there for me despite everything. A friend who I have always underestimated. A friend who needs me more than ever right now. A friend who I will be there for.

Perhaps it's some thing about the city. The last time I was here, I was ditched. Tonight, I was ditched again. I thought it would be different this time. I thought I had been wrong the first time. I gave the first impression a chance that it would not last a life time. I wanted to be wrong this one time. But no.

It's not that difficult is it. A girl alone in a big city needs a hand to hold on to. Until she figures her way around on her own. You should know it. Aren't you in the same shoes? The picture is painted pretty and shiny and bright and exciting. But you don't always get what you see.

I haven't felt this way in a long time. I hope I won't be feeling it for too long a time.

Where have you been, you ask.

Same place, really. I've just been busy being bubbly.

I don't know what has made the difference. I swear. But I am more bubbly. You remember? That was my promise, to myself. Is it the mere thought that has worked its wonder? Can't be. Not like I didn't have the thought in my head last year. And no, I have not been proactively doing bubbly things this year either. Oh well. Whatever it is, stick on. I am loving it.

You look happy-high. You have been amazingly positive lately.

Touchwood. Yes you too, quickly touchwood!

On another note. On one of my thought pondering notes. I wonder if I ask for too much. I wonder if I expect too much. I know it's not impossible. But the chance of it being possible is sitting on the seat right next to impossible. Is too much hope too bad? Is hanging on too hard too suffocating?

I will be giving up on the hope sometime soon. I will have to.

And in the meanwhile, I am trying to make it work. But you know. The things that really work like magic are the things that work themselves out. Not the ones you try to make work. And I want magic.