I hope to get out of this mess called me soon. The implications are driving me insane. It's not exactly where I want to be, seriously. No matter how cool I am with everything, this is not one place I want to be at. And I am praying as hard as I can that I don't end up there.

You know what makes life this complicated and screwed up. All the shite that happens and all the shite that the shite that happened makes happen. Got the drift? Every action has a reaction. And every reaction has a reaction. And it keeps going on and on and on, spinning this ugly web all around you. A web of actions and reactions. It's suffocating me. It's getting me all claustrophobic. And I am wondering what I will do with the web when I want to live life again, the assumption that there will be such a day at some point of time, a result of my shiny optimism. I am wondering. And I don't have an answer.

I want to wake up and see that this was just a bad dream, a nightmare, an unreal nightmare. I cannot take the worry. It's killing me. And I don't want this to be the cause of my death.

As complicated as the world can get, the laws of attractions definitely leap one notch ahead.

You have the crushes and the infatuations. The stupid gooey feeling you get just by seeing someone, talking to someone, interacting in anyway with that someone. There are the short lived ones. The ones that get boring, the ones that simply die out. The ones that you need to bring you those little bouts of happiness when your down and dull. And then there are the ones that just last forever. The Richard Gere kinds. The kinds that you know will make you weak in the knees even twenty years down the line.

Then come the more complex ones. Love. Lust. These concepts are much more complicated. And that brings about all the confusion, the gray areas. Do love and lust always go hand in hand? Probably not. That is not the right way to phrase it. Lust can obviously exist on its own. Repeat. Does love always come along with lust? Does love need lust for it to be the real love? And we are talking about the opposites attract kinda love here, not the mother/friend/whatever kinda love. The partner kinda love. So do you always need the lust to sustain the love? How much of which do you need to get the correct mix? What if the lust over powers the love in the equation, you know, if there is love but there is much more intense lust along with it. Do we call that love or lust? What do you do with the oodles of chemistry if you do not have enough love to sustain the chemicals in the long term? Just as you can't let love go to waste, can you also not let lust go down the drain?

Someone needs to write a book. The book of love, the book of attraction, the book of whatever. The one with all the answers. And I need to buy that book.