Is it alright to feel this way? Not knowing what to want, what to aim for, what to expect of yourself, what to expect of everything and everyone around you, what to do, what not to do, how much to give, when to stop, what to indulge in, what to refrain from, not knowing almost anything and possibly everything you are supposed to know? Seriously, is it alright to be this lost? At a time in life when you should know everything and do everything you know you should? You're no kid. You're a freaking adult. An adult with a brain. Or a supposed one, one that is supposed to work out everything. Like in an exam, you're supposed to know the answers. You can't survive through school without the answers. You can't get through life without the knowing.
I feel like a fool. A stupid, direction-less, not-in-focus, foolish fool. It's frustrating. Very frustrating. And no matter how hard I try to know, I still don't. I just don't know. Makes me wonder, what I am doing wrong. Or maybe it is all wrong coz I'm not doing anything. Or even trying to.
Letting go. It's not always the best answer to the quizzical questions of life. No one is gonna come and save you when you're drowning. You'll have to swim it out yourself. And even if you don't want to swim and just want to drown, you won't be able to. You'll be stuck in the middle. Smack in the middle of the saving and the drowning. Even the heightened frustration won't take you down. It'll only frustrate you more.
I don't know. Anything. Absolutely anything. And it's frustrating me. To the core.
I feel like a fool. A stupid, direction-less, not-in-focus, foolish fool. It's frustrating. Very frustrating. And no matter how hard I try to know, I still don't. I just don't know. Makes me wonder, what I am doing wrong. Or maybe it is all wrong coz I'm not doing anything. Or even trying to.
Letting go. It's not always the best answer to the quizzical questions of life. No one is gonna come and save you when you're drowning. You'll have to swim it out yourself. And even if you don't want to swim and just want to drown, you won't be able to. You'll be stuck in the middle. Smack in the middle of the saving and the drowning. Even the heightened frustration won't take you down. It'll only frustrate you more.
I don't know. Anything. Absolutely anything. And it's frustrating me. To the core.
4 comments:
woa girl...you have written out what goes on in my mind here...
i tried moving on...but just the thought of another gal in her place made me all nauseous...or some kinda sick feeling...
nowadays i dont try to swim...have stopped thrashing about and calling for help...have let the drowning take it's own slow dreary-weary pace...
:)
hey Vodkaz, i wud suggest stop fightin wid ur thots, let theme come to u whatever way they do...more u try to come out rt now,, more u go down!!!
I always thought ignorance was bliss... but you proved me otherwise.
Honestly girl... I have gone through this phase as well... Actually I go through it quite often... clueless about what to do in life...
i get this feeling whenever I look around and find people of my age acting more matured, having a clear sense of direction... as compared to my life which feels like a drag and I am just floating and running around like a headless chicken...
At such moments, the first thing I do is stop thinking... coz I don't want to do that either and suddenly all the thoughts just vanish... :)
But the best solution is to stop procrastination and start acting on it... Try doing something with your 100% involvement, stop comparing yourself to others and suddenly you would see the difference...
Thanks guys, for all the directions to get me out of the confusion. If only I could bring myself to following all of it. I will, someday!
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