Why do people have to say X when they actually mean Y. Why do they expect me to understand that it's a Y when they spell it out as X. Am I stupid to think that X is X and not Y when apparently it isn't.

You can't expect everyone to be like you. Come on. Let's get real. People are wired differently. It that so difficult to comprehend after a few decades of meeting humans. I don't get people at times. Especially people who claim to be oh so close to me. Knowing me for so many years does not equate to knowing me as well. Maybe ten minutes of better understanding counts more.

My heart has been big and fluffy all this while, thinking that we were finally getting each other. You just proved me wrong. I think we'll never get there. Ever. Not that I am dying to. Trust me.

Things have been wrong most of the time. And nothing seems to want to get right. Sometimes I wonder if the wrong in the equation is me.

Perfection. Why is it unattainable? Why is it next to impossible? Why is it even a concept if it is so damn difficult to realize?

You know how life has all these pieces. The education piece. The family piece. The career piece. The interests piece. The money piece. The friends piece. The relationship piece. And the many other pieces. You can put in as many pieces as you want to. All the pieces that make your life look like what it does. Very much similar to a jigsaw puzzle. It seems to me that no matter how hard I try, there needs to be at least one piece missing. Usually more than one. But at least one. Sometimes I only have one piece and the many many other ones are no where to be seen. It's like someone is playing hide and seek with me and the pieces. I find one, and the other goes missing. And another is discovered. And two others disappear. And a bunch of them reappear miraculously from nowhere. An exhausting game this is. And I don't know how much longer I can handle it. I just hope that the referee knows when to call it a time out.

While the game has been draining me out, I have been weaving a dream off late. A dream that is too good to be true. A dream that should remain a dream coz I don't think my world has the potential to handle it in reality. A dream that is has gotten me all high in the sky, knowing that the fall from up above there will shatter me once again. A dream that I should probably throw into the garbage bin before it gets a chance to kick me into the trash instead. A dream that someone needs to slap me out of right here, right now.

There are some things that we can never learn. This is one of mine.