Lines. They're all over your life. Right there in front of you. Diagonally across. Some near the horizon where you can barely see. Some like a mirage, appearing and disappearing in front of your eyes every second. Some ones invisible. You don't know they exist until ages after. There are even lines that you have to draw for yourself at all the right places. And then there are the lines you have left behind. The ones you see near and far every time you turn to look back over your shoulder.

In an ideal world, there should be no lines behind you. All of them should lie ahead of you, right in front of your eyes. And in this ideal world, the ideal you with all the ideal wisdom in your head should know never to step over any of these lines. Crossing the line is what makes you from right to wrong, good to bad, pretty to ugly.

I have an inherent problem. I don't care about the lines. I know that they are there and I know that I should not be crossing them. But I don't care. I keep jumping over and across them like I'm playing hopscotch. No, seriously. It's like a game for me. An extra point for one more line crossed. No competition. There are no other people in the game. I am my competition. It's crazy. And I'm all wrong and bad and ugly now.

I need to stop the game. I am trying. Promise. It is one of my things this year. And you know what. Today, I had a line laid flat in front of me. A line on the other side of which there was a sweet calling for my name. A line on the other side of which I would have and would have been deceived for a temporary high. A line on the other side of which I would have touched a new low. And I decided to walk away from that line. Despite all the temptations. I walked away and I walked a step closer to the finish line of my game. I'm going to get there. Very soon. Very very soon.

Perfection. Why is it unattainable? Why is it next to impossible? Why is it even a concept if it is so damn difficult to realize?

You know how life has all these pieces. The education piece. The family piece. The career piece. The interests piece. The money piece. The friends piece. The relationship piece. And the many other pieces. You can put in as many pieces as you want to. All the pieces that make your life look like what it does. Very much similar to a jigsaw puzzle. It seems to me that no matter how hard I try, there needs to be at least one piece missing. Usually more than one. But at least one. Sometimes I only have one piece and the many many other ones are no where to be seen. It's like someone is playing hide and seek with me and the pieces. I find one, and the other goes missing. And another is discovered. And two others disappear. And a bunch of them reappear miraculously from nowhere. An exhausting game this is. And I don't know how much longer I can handle it. I just hope that the referee knows when to call it a time out.

While the game has been draining me out, I have been weaving a dream off late. A dream that is too good to be true. A dream that should remain a dream coz I don't think my world has the potential to handle it in reality. A dream that is has gotten me all high in the sky, knowing that the fall from up above there will shatter me once again. A dream that I should probably throw into the garbage bin before it gets a chance to kick me into the trash instead. A dream that someone needs to slap me out of right here, right now.

There are some things that we can never learn. This is one of mine.