Change is the only constant.

They told you that you would fall and bruise and burn in life. They told you all that after all that you would be a better person. They told you that with experience you would grow. They were all wrong. I've fallen, bruised and burnt myself. But I'm not a better person. I have a pocket full of experience but I do not feel more enlightened.

I have lost the spirit in me. Everything seems like a drag. I switch off in the middle of conversations. I can't laugh from the bottom of my heart. And I can't make people laugh anymore. I don't cry coz I want to be macho. I don't speak about myself coz it's all too complicated. I don't even listen coz it all seems like pointless blabbering anyway. I pretend to be having a good time but the people who know me inside out can tell it is all but genuine.

Life and time have metamorphosed me into a whole new person. A whole new person who seems to be a more practical model in terms of functioning effectively in this world. But a whole new person who is no more than a mechanical piece of human. A whole new person who does not know the meaning of butterflies in the stomach or flying high up in the sky. A whole new person who disgusts me. A whole new person who I detest.

I don't want change. If this is what growing is, then no. I don't want to grow. I want to get back to what I was half a decade ago. I want to be as bubbly as bubbly vodka sounds. I want to be me again.