Perhaps it's some thing about the city. The last time I was here, I was ditched. Tonight, I was ditched again. I thought it would be different this time. I thought I had been wrong the first time. I gave the first impression a chance that it would not last a life time. I wanted to be wrong this one time. But no.

It's not that difficult is it. A girl alone in a big city needs a hand to hold on to. Until she figures her way around on her own. You should know it. Aren't you in the same shoes? The picture is painted pretty and shiny and bright and exciting. But you don't always get what you see.

I haven't felt this way in a long time. I hope I won't be feeling it for too long a time.

Where have you been, you ask.

Same place, really. I've just been busy being bubbly.

I don't know what has made the difference. I swear. But I am more bubbly. You remember? That was my promise, to myself. Is it the mere thought that has worked its wonder? Can't be. Not like I didn't have the thought in my head last year. And no, I have not been proactively doing bubbly things this year either. Oh well. Whatever it is, stick on. I am loving it.

You look happy-high. You have been amazingly positive lately.

Touchwood. Yes you too, quickly touchwood!

On another note. On one of my thought pondering notes. I wonder if I ask for too much. I wonder if I expect too much. I know it's not impossible. But the chance of it being possible is sitting on the seat right next to impossible. Is too much hope too bad? Is hanging on too hard too suffocating?

I will be giving up on the hope sometime soon. I will have to.

And in the meanwhile, I am trying to make it work. But you know. The things that really work like magic are the things that work themselves out. Not the ones you try to make work. And I want magic.

I am starting to hate it that everything is not meant to last forever. Some people are not meant to stay with you for life. Some traits fade away with time. Some things have to perish away. Screw the rule of the world.

And the line. I crossed it anyway. Don't worry. It was not the horizon of my life. I am still alive. And kicking.