I think I am simply attracted to charisma. No matter what the medium of delivery is.

And I think I can't do things that I am not comfortable with for too long, no matter how right they are.

It's a problem. They both are problems. I need to put a bit more logic around my life. A bit more thinking, a bit more analysis. But I love the free will of the heart. I guess the world is not built to endure this though. I need to be right to get through this life. And it doesn't help that my ways do not agree with the ways of the world.

I am happy today. Touch wood. I would rather do this wrong than that right. It makes me happier. Isn't it all about how you feel deep down inside at the end of the day? Then I should wrong. I think.

I hope one day life will be happy with the right. The history hasn't been too good with that theory, but I have hope. Hope that someday, the theory is what will shine. Hope that one day, I won't be thinking about why I am happy but should not be happy. Hope that there will come a day when I won't be justifying my happiness to myself.

I miss you sometimes. But this time, there will be no more. Isn't it way past high time?

Studying is so not my thing. I don't know why I have to keep proving it to myself again and again. All I'm hoping is for my amazing guessing skills to work their charm when I give the test tomorrow. And all will be fine. Touch wood!

I am hungry and about to have some silly instant tomato soup. Not something I would choose to have on a regular day. But I choose it today over going out and trying to figure something better out. Partly because I am lazy, partly because I know that I will have to try a bit too hard to find that better dinner, partly because I don't want to go down and roam the streets alone.

Tomorrow is the start to a full week. A week that is so full to the brim it might just fall off and take me down with it. I want to survive the week. I want to emerge a winner on Friday. Because at the end of the week awaits familiar territories, familiar smells, familiar streets, familiar people, familiar everythings. And a friend. A friend who has been there for me despite everything. A friend who I have always underestimated. A friend who needs me more than ever right now. A friend who I will be there for.

Perhaps it's some thing about the city. The last time I was here, I was ditched. Tonight, I was ditched again. I thought it would be different this time. I thought I had been wrong the first time. I gave the first impression a chance that it would not last a life time. I wanted to be wrong this one time. But no.

It's not that difficult is it. A girl alone in a big city needs a hand to hold on to. Until she figures her way around on her own. You should know it. Aren't you in the same shoes? The picture is painted pretty and shiny and bright and exciting. But you don't always get what you see.

I haven't felt this way in a long time. I hope I won't be feeling it for too long a time.